I posted this to FB early this month, but wanted to post this here as well, since the plan is to migrate over to the site and away from social media. I’m working my way back into cleaning up the site and other stuff. For now, I’m just here to explain my absence and … well, you saw the title… Also apologies for any issues with the site, I’m doing some work on it in the near future.
I looked up and years passed. Seems like the last decade has been been peppered with this pattern, though I have to admit this last time I figured I was done for good, in spite of the promises I made to myself and all of you to continue to write and share my work. How I managed to write even one book let alone several is a mystery to me sometimes…
It wasn’t the plan to disappear again, of course, but things and people took sinister turns I didn’t expect and I found myself no longer invested in the publishing world. I didn’t — or maybe couldn’t — write, unless it was for work, and I didn’t check social media. I actively avoided it, in fact.
Honestly, it just became a reminder of the things that would never be the same, and the faith many of us have probably lost for people and institutions that don’t have our best interests at heart. Learning to let go when you realize you’ve been witnessing a lie — like we have this year when it comes to the right to choose, or when seeing the abysmal response to people suffering from the pandemic, even today — is hard. Finding things and people that are authentic in the face of all that loss and hardship is harder still.
And I, personally, felt inauthentic as I struggled to produce something that maybe was technically good, but didn’t feel *right*, just so I could say I completed it and put it out there. Kudos to those who managed to thrive creatively the last few years. I suspect it hasn’t been easy for any of us regardless of whether we’re thriving or not.
I mourned some losses and allowed space for some disillusion about this business, about art, about people, and about the state of the world. Things changed. I changed, definitely for the better. Change is the only constant, and I hope that I continue that pattern of getting better, at least. Getting better, becoming more savvy even as I become more optimistic. That’s what I’m grateful for most, that I’m here and learning and growing in my craft and as a person.
So, change. And quiet. And day to day. And then, I woke up a few weeks ago and I was thinking about my work again. Jesse and Evie kept popping up. I spoke with a fellow writer friend about spirituality and witchcraft and editing and politics, and I found myself mulling over years worth of world building and lore again. I have ideas again. I listen to music and get inspired in quiet moments again. I go to concerts and travel and cook and laugh, and in between those moments, my characters pop up to say a proverbial “hello” and let me know they’re waiting to see what happens to them next, just like all of you have been.
I thought I was done, but now I think I was just done chasing an idea of the story instead of writing it. I’ve lived a lot of life and now I wonder how I can put that in writing. I’d like to finish Evie’s story. I’d like to see what happens next, too.
It may have taken me a much longer time to get “When Dying Is Done” out than I thought, and a lot of heartbreak as I struggled to let the story and myself transition in ways that made sense … but the struggle gave way to movement. I’m working on it and I won’t make promises about when it will come out. Just that I believe it will at some point. I don’t think we will see another 2 years pass without it. Hopefully it will be worth the wait. I’m ready to close out that story, and that chapter of my life, and see what’s next.
I won’t be on social media a lot. In fact, I plan to transition away from it and focus on my blog when I have the time. It’s better for how I work and the life I’m living now to check in for updates and musings, and then go back to my adventures offline. But I will endeavor to be forthcoming about my progress and to eventually answer emails and messages and comments. I’ll find a balance again and let my creativity take me where it takes me. I’ll try not to shut down and shut out those of you who have been so kind, gracious and patient because you love my stories.
I look forward to glancing up one day and having something to share, just for the love of sharing it. I hope when I do share, it’s work that makes you think, makes you feel, and gives you a journey you don’t easily forget… and perhaps return to with fondness.
That would be nice, and more than enough.
Much love, gratitude, and health to you all,